How Do I Get My Boyfriend Back? What went wrong?

Excellent advice from relationship expert John Rapp.

Everyone wants to fall in love. Falling is the fun part. Staying around after the crash landing can be tricky.

Relationship experts say the key to staying in love is to being willing to work at it. If this sounds like work, that's because it is. But everything good in life takes a bit of work. And if you aren't willing to put in the work it takes to build a successful relationship, then you don't deserve it in the first place.

But the "work" isn't really as bad as it may sound. After all, if you love the person, you knew what you were getting into from the start: a lifelong promise of constantly getting to know the other person. The "work" is actually very rewarding and fun.

"If you love gardening, then the work is a joy, even when there are weeds and crappy weather. But if you hate gardening and even a ripe tomato plant isn't good news to you, then that sucks. I wouldn't want to be in that relationship," says Susan Piver, author of The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do"

Staying with the gardening metaphor, communication is the best fertilizer for your relationship. Taking time to communicate and listen to your partner is critical if you want your relationship to thrive. "Couples expect that they'll get to a place where things are predictable and stable. But things will always change, and that's what makes the relationship exciting and alive," says Piver.

1. Communication

Every day each and every one of us changes slightly. In ten years you will be a completely different person than you are right now. And that happens one day at a time. One major pitfall people fall into is feeling like they don't "know" their spouse anymore. And the antidote to this is simple: make time to communicate.

2. Eye Contact

If you're having trouble coming up with things to talk about, simply take time and hang out in the same room as your spouse without leaving to do something else. Maintaining eye contact is another pitfall. Next time you find yourself on the verge of a communication breakdown, simply look into one another's eyes. This nips 90% of the minor hiccups right in the bud.

3. Action

The third major no-no people frequently fall into making is waiting for the other person to change. If you want a better relationship, take it upon yourself to make a change. Just like the Beatles said, "the love you take is equal to the love you make."

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